Sleeplessness

Well, it's happening again.

The sleeplessness.

It usually isn't this bad unless someone I know is dying. I guess it's my "gift." But I know this is something completely different.

Every since I've been a little girl I've had trouble sleeping. From what my mum tells me, I've been having trouble since I was a toddler. She told me my dad would have to put me in my stroller and sing for hours while walking back and forth down the hallway for me to be able to fall asleep. Oh, and I had to be holding this gigantic beach ball while he did that. I thought it was weird at the time, but I didn't give it much thought until recently.

Fast forward a few years.

I remember having panic attacks each and every night because I couldn't sleep. I would cry for about four hours every night to beg my mum to stay with me while I fell asleep. My nanny had to be there too, and the teli had to be on the whole night. I remember these nights as horrible childhood memories. I figured I was just scared of the dark or something, or scared of being alone since I used to see weird things everywhere, but it wasn't until recently that I figured out it was because I was terrified of waking up at night. Not because it would be "dark and scary," but rather, because I hated knowing I would take forever to fall asleep just to wake up an hour later and have to do it all over again.

A few more years later.

I'm still having trouble sleeping. It sucks. It takes me two hours to fall asleep, at the very least, and then I wake up every hour or so. Three if I'm lucky. But then it takes about two hours to fall asleep again. All I want is one good night of sleep a week and I'll be happy.

As if this hasn't been bad enough, I now can't breathe at night. I dunno why I can't breathe. This is also something I've been dealing with while sleeping at night. I think it's Utah. It's too dry here. I have trouble in the winter as well as the summer. However, when I was in California, I slept a lot more soundly. Hell, it was easy just to fall asleep!!! And I didn't wake up throughout the night. I think it was because I didn't have any annoying people to deal with as well as being able to breathe. The temperature was just perfect. I dunno if this would have anything to do with it, but if I remember correctly, I didn't have this much trouble breathing in Peru.

Whatever the reason, here I am, after waking up three times since I fell asleep, which was around midnight, unable to sleep. I wasn't breathing properly and I was one pillow short. I tried sleeping on my stomach so I could breathe easier, but nothing helped. My nose kept being annoying. I sat up a bit, tried lying on my side, but no luck. I just couldn't breathe through both nostrils. So what did I do? I got up of course. No point in trying to sleep when I'm being annoyed at not being able to breathe. So I just went upstairs and got some cold pear thingies to satisfy hunger as well as my tooth pain. My dog and my cat followed me, of course, and they've both stayed up since. I have no idea what they're doing, but they're being quiet, so I don't really care. It was cute though, Mamita, what I call my female cat, was begging me for some pears. She didn't take any of course. She just wanted to know what it was. She's adorable. I think she likes me more now because I feed her little bits of turkey and chicken. She loves that stuff.

What to do now? I can't sleep, I'm tired as hell because I barely got sleep tonight as well as last night, my wisdom teeth are being a pain, and my head is killing me. I want to take more Ibuprofen, but I don't want to over do it. Guess I'll just deal with it until around the time Steven leaves for work. I'll probably try to get some sleep at around that time. Only three more hours to go!!!

I like being married. I do. As much as I complain about being married to someone who still acts like a kid, I love my husband. I haven't really complained much about him lately. I think it's because he's finally working so we don't see each other all the time. I think this is key to a healthy relationship. Not seeing each other all the time and making sure you don't fight over the small stuff is important on having a healthy marriage. I think the key to it is wanting to be with each other every single moment of the rest of your life, but not actually doing it. It's also great support and comfort to know that there's always gonna be someone there for you. We've had our ups and downs this year, but I think we'll just come out stronger in the end. What can I say? I love my hubby. He's the best thing that ever happened to me after getting my kitty cat.

Well, I guess that's all that's in my mind right now. I might come back and edit this later. Or I might not. I might just wait to write until tomorrow. I think I'm gonna try to get some more sleep. My eyes are burning at this point.

Love,
Andrea~!