Physician Shadowing

I went on my first Physician Shadowing yesterday.

IT. WAS. AWESOME!!!

I LOVED EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT IT!!!

I was super happy about doing it, and now I'm 100% sure I want to be a doctor. It was a FABULOUS experience and I'm super excited to do it again!!! My uncle saw that I was sooo happy and excited that he asked the dermatologist if I could shadow him next Tuesday. I'll be doing two shadowing experiences total by the end of next week, and I couldn't be happier!!! I was already looking forward to another one, but I didn't think it'd be this soon. I'm so happy I could cry!!!

Anyway, here's a detailed description of my day as I recollect it. :)

I got there at around two, and I went straight to Dr. Stewart's office. The first patient was a little boy who had an ear infection. IT WAS THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD!!! Not that the kid was in pain, but the fact that the doctor let me look into his ears. I saw what a healthy ear looks like, and what an infected ear looks like. It was AMAZING. It was the coolest thing about my day there. I can't wait to take anatomy!!!

Then came a lady that was super nice and had allergies. Then an older dad with a four month old baby; the baby was the cutest baby I have ever seen; he was so cute it made me want kids, that's how cute this little one was!!! Thankfully, he was perfectly healthy. They were worried he might have an ear infection, but he was perfectly fine. He also had a kid come in for a scout exam; I stepped out because of the hernia check that was part of the exam. He also saw a mother and two kids for the same reason; I stepped outside again for the hernia check. Not interested in that... too personal for a pre-med student.

He also saw a lady with a heart condition, an older woman for diarrhea, and two little kids who HATED the doctor's office!!! The doctor said the little five year old boy was the worst one he's had in all of his career. He screamed like a banshee and cried for the longest time. He was terrified about the scale, the thing to look into the ears, and especially of the little wooden thing that you put inside the mouth to hold down the tongue and inspect the throat. Oh hell, he LOST it when he saw it. The doctor didn't do it at first, but he was worried he might've had strep, so he tried to collect a sample for a strep test. This kid fought for fifteen minutes before the doctor gave up; he fought so hard that he got splinters on his tongue for biting down on the wooden stick and cotton swabs. The doctor decided that he would check his sister and get the test for the two-three year old girl and assume they both had the same thing. The little girl did everything, but did fight a little bit with the stick and cotton swabs, but it was over so quickly that she didn't really cry for longer than thirty seconds. Thankfully, the test came back negative.

The third patient he saw was an eighty-three year old man that was coughing a lot. He was there for about two hours so they could do some chest x-rays and a bunch of tests to figure out what was wrong with him. The doctor showed me the x-rays and taught me what each thing was so I could learn about it. It was amazing; I saw how thick the aorta was and I'm still amazed by its size!!! The x-ray didn't tell us anything though, so he had to do some more tests to check his lungs. Turns out he had COPD, or Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. It was sad, since the man already had heart problems, migraines, and diabetes, but it was a good thing that they found out what he had so they could treat him and stop the progression of the disease. When he went to get a sample of the medicine for him, he explained to me what the medicine did and how it worked.

Dr. Stewart also showed me a report that came in while I was shadowing him. It was of, I think, one of his patients who had just been declared brain dead. I was able to read the report and see what one looks like, which was cool, but I was saddened by the fate of the patient. It may sound a little twisted, but I was glad to see how sad the doctor was over the news; it shows me that he truly cared about his patient, and that he wished there was something he could've done for him. I liked being able to see that a doctor cares about their patients outside of getting their money.

When I left, I thanked him  profusely and told him what an amazing experience it had been. I also told him that I wasn't sure if being a doctor was right for me, but that I KNEW this is what I wanted to do after shadowing him. He told me that's exactly what happened to him too; he knew he loved it after he shadowed a family practitioner. He also told me to come back any time and to just give him a call to see when I could come next. I'm sure I will ask him if I can come back soon; I'm way too excited to let too much time pass!!! If it was up to me, I'd do one every week, but I know I need to take it easy. I left at around five fifteen. I'm excited about the future, and I really can't wait until I start learning about all this in the next few semesters!!!

It was an AMAZING opportunity. I can't wait to be a doctor myself and be able to help patients with everything I can; I want to help people live better and healthier lives!!! I'm super excited about this all, and I want to get it all done soon so I can be the best neurosurgeon in the world!!!

If that's what I still want to do after med-school.

Love,
Andrea~!

Beautiful Life

Life has been pretty good to me lately.

My husband texted me not too long ago to let me know we were moving to Stonehenge.

I guess it's an apartment complex in Taylorsville.

The reason? They get faster internet.

Oh, Steven...

I love you, but sometimes, you're just weird...

Anyway, I've been working on my pre-med preparations. I've found a hospice to volunteer at and I have made one appointment with a doctor, thanks to my Uncle Rob, for Tuesday that will allow me to shadow him for a few hours. I continue doing my volunteer work for the shelter while I train for the hospice work so I can still get my hours in, but I'm taking Sundays and Wednesdays off so I'm not too overwhelmed once school starts. I hope to be able to volunteer at least eight hours a week total; five at the shelter and should be about two or three with whatever hospice patient I go visit. Not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous and scared.

I thought the concept of hospice was to just go visit elderly people, but it turns out it's people of any age... who have six months or less to live. I'm extremely saddened by this; I don't want to get attached to someone who is going to die in less than six months. It would hurt terribly to lose them... however, I do need to get comfortable around death, since I will have to deal with it once I'm a doctor. Especially since I will be, hopefully, performing brain surgery on my patients; there's a very high risk of malpractice, and although I don't wish to lose anyone on the operating table, things happen, and I will have to be prepared. Still, it doesn't make me feel any better knowing the person I help will die soon.

The one thing that keeps me calm is knowing that I will be keeping them company and hopefully brightening their day a little better. I hope to learn a lot from them, and maybe even get over my fear of dying. I hope that, somehow, they can help me figure out whether or not there's something on the other side. I think that may be my biggest fear; not existing any more. I hope that, somehow, they will shed some light on their thoughts and perhaps put me more at ease with it, and maybe, just maybe, I will figure out that there is some place our soul goes, and that we don't just stop existing.

Anyway, too depressing.

It's been a good day, and I'm excited as to what the future holds. I'm really looking forward to doing all the great things life has in store for me. I do hope I can become a GREAT doctor that can help a lot of patients; I'm sick of seeing people suffer, and I WANT to end that kind of suffering to the best of my ability, especially when it comes to the most delicate and complicated part of our body, the brain.

Life just couldn't get any better.

I just wish I could make peace with a few things from my past so I could thoroughly enjoy my time on this earth. The past keeps creeping its ugly head back and biting me when I least expect it. That IS life though, so I supposed I will just have to learn how to deal with it and move on. If the Goddess allows me to fix my errors, then I will, but until then, there's no reason to worry about a past that I can't change.

Oh! I adopted a kitten out yesterday!

I'm a little sad because I wanted her to go with her brother, but I'm sure he can benefit from being on his own. I am kinda nervous that mama cat is gonna miss her babies once my other kitten gets adopted though, so we'll see what happens. The foster mum said that it shouldn't be a problem, but it still worries me. I worry too much about everything!!!

I need to go back to yoga and learn to relax!!!

Love,
Andrea~!

The Good Ol' Times

I can't help but think about Kim. It's been... three years since we stopped talking? It'll be four in November. You think I'd be over losing a friend, since it was MY fault it even happened in the first place, but I'm not.

I drove past her house yesterday; I was driving out of my aunt's neighborhood to go pick up the hubby from the Frontrunner station, and I had to take that way to leave the neighborhood and be on my way to Clearfield. I think her family still lives there; I looked at the window that would be hers, if she still lived with them, and it made me terribly sad.

I know it's not worth another apology, because she won't see it, and if she does, she won't care. And that's fine, I hope her life is as wonderful as mine is now, but I still wish she was still a part of my life. I understand why she isn't, but Alex and I do miss her a lot. It sucks because we used to be so close and now... well, now we don't even know if she's alive or not.

I wonder about her a lot; she's in my dreams every now and then. I just wish she would get over it and just say, apology accepted, let's be friends. Maybe not best friend forever like we were; that'd be too awkward, but at least... you know... SOMETHING.

Just having her as a friend on Facebook and seeing how she's doing, and maybe go hang out once or twice a year would be enough. I don't blame her, but come on, it's been three and a half years, get over it... I got over my problem, which was the exact same one, a LONG time ago, and I'm friends, and CLOSE friends, with the person that hurt me at the time. If I can get over it, then so can you...

Aah, I'm just blabbering right now. Maybe I'll dedicate an entry to you on my blog, just to help myself rant and feel better, but you're wasting my time. Because a true friend isn't someone who doesn't hurt you; a true friend is one that KNOWS how to FORGIVE and FORGET. That's a true friend, and I guess you just weren't one. Even if I hurt you, you should've been able to get over it, not ignore me the second Steven and I got married...

Oh well. There's no turning back. I hope you're having a good life. Maybe one day you'll suffer from a terrible disease, and I'll be the only neurologist in the country you can see, and I will help you get over it and we will never speak after that. And maybe then you'll know I really cared all along.

Maybe you don't think about this at all... maybe I'm just the one that can't let go...

Love,
Andrea~!

Bliss

So it's been a while since I wrote anything here. I guess I was a super depressed child back then. Things are going great now though; I've grown a lot and I know what I need to do to be a better person and wife. Steven and I are doing great; we are both very excited as our second year anniversary approaches. I can't believe it'll be two years in fourteen days!!! Best two years of my life, even though they were a bit rocky. We learned how to be a married couple, and we rarely fight now-a-days. I'm so happy that I was lucky enough to end up with a man as extraordinary as him. We are slowly but surely working our way into moving out, which has been much needed for a while now. We had trouble finding jobs when we were first married, but since I quit mine at Kohl's and he started one in Focus, things have gone great. I'm kinda nervous about having to find one for the summer, because I truly wish to just be lazy and stuff, but I know I would go crazy with nothing to do.

On the bright side, I finally get my own kitties!!! I will be taking care of the kitties in the new Petco as a volunteer, which I'm glad about because I want more volunteer hours, but most importantly because I love taking care of the little ones. They are truly one of the most important things in my life that make me extremely happy, and I feel blessed for being able to help them find forever homes. Volunteering is something I want to do for the rest of my life, no matter what it is; I enjoy it, it keeps me occupied, and it gives my life some sort of value beyond what I feel it has by itself.

School is another thing that has been big in my life lately. I decided that I want to be a neurologist. Not only does it pay well, but it also lets me be able to touch and manipulate the brain in ways I wouldn't be able to to if I just wanted to be a psychiatrist. However, I'm struggling with chemistry, which is a major part of my degree. I'm afraid to go talk to my counselor because last time we talked she wasn't very encouraging, and I'm not entirely sure of how I should approach the situation. I hope that I can find a way to do things smoothly, but I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I know I need to apply myself a lot more, and I'm going to do my best, but I have to figure out a way to get into the groove of things and stop procrastinating. I need to do better in order to be who and what I want to be in the future.

I have a bright outlook of life right now.

I don't want to change that anytime soon.

Love,
Andrea~!

Upset

So today was my first day at work.

Worst. Day. Ever.

I barely learned anything.

All I did was take stupid things online and the register. I'm not even supposed to be on POS!!! I'm supposed to only use them for back up!!! I didn't even learn anything about doing other things, like recovering or how to search for things in the back room. I felt like they didn't even take the time to teach me. I mean, I know they want me to do the whole "yes we can" shit but could they at least teach me ONCE how to do it before they send me off to learn on my own?

I mean, if they just taught me ONCE how to do everything, I'd be more at ease with doing "yes we can" stuff. I would at least know A LITTLE BIT so I could be able to do my own thing and help customers. But they don't do that, now, do they? I dunno, maybe it's just because the supervisor that was meant to help me wasn't all that willing to help. But that upsets me because it makes ME look bad. I mean, she called me a "quiet one" and asked how "we could've hired a quiet one." It's seriously making me re-think I deserve this job.

Do they really expect me to jump right on everything and learn everything on my own when I don't even know where things are? I need at least ONE WHOLE DAY of GOOD training to at least know the BASICS so I can do things on my own. Yes, I was kinda quiet today, but that was because I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I was nervous, to the point where I got panic attacks in my sleep last night. I mean, IT'S NOT NORMAL. I WANT to LOVE this job as much as I loved worked at Double Scoop, but how can I do that when I feel they don't care enough about training someone? Maybe I'm just a slow learning, but c'mon, they should be able to at least help me a little bit. When I DID ask for help, I felt like they were getting tired of me. Well, do you want me to ask questions and make sure I know what I'm doing, or make mistakes and lose the company money? Ugh, I'm just so frustrated that I can't sleep!!!

I want to talk to Amber about it, because I trust her and I feel comfortable with her, but I'm not sure how to do that. I guess I just need to be more assertive. Whatever the case, I'm going to see if I can either go in early before my next shift, not for another whole week, btw, or just stop by sometime before then. I just wish I felt like they were interested enough in me as I am in them. I do want to learn, and I do want to be the best employee they've ever had, but how can I do that when I have no idea what I'm doing? How can I help a customer when I know as much as they do about things?

I just dunno what to do. I'm frustrated, I'm crying, and I just REALLY wish I hadn't applied there. Maybe my things IS to help with animals or work at small stores. I don't like these mega-corporations that don't take the time of day to help out an associate in need. I dunno, maybe I'm just over-reacting because I dunno how to act in such an environment. Maybe I'm comparing it to the deli too much.

Wish Double Scoop was still open.

I wish that every since day of my life.

But I know it's never going to happen.

Love,
Andrea~!

Lagoon

So, we went to Lagoon yesterday.

It was a lot of fun.

We caught up with Chelsea and Shaylee and we had a lot of fun. I'm gonna miss Chels when she leaves though. Hell, I miss her already. I don't think I've appreciated her enough because I figured she would always be here, but I had forgotten that people grow up and move, I suppose. I just wish we had more time; it feels like the thirteenth came up way too fast. It IS coming up way too fast... and I don't want it to.

After they left, Steven and I just wondered around and went to a few more rides. I think we only got to do two before the park closed, plus the bounce back thing so I could come back tomorrow and spend more time with Steven and possibly Chelsea and her friend. I think Lexi might come too, but I'm not sure right now.

It was a fun day though. Steven and I got to relax and see all the pretty lights of the park from the sky ride before we went home. It was awesome, even though I didn't think it was the prettiest thing out there. I guess it was more important to be with him than looking at the lights anyway.

Overall, it was an amazing day. I hope we have as much fun doing it tomorrow as we did yesterday.

Love,
Andrea~!

It All Ends Here

It all ends here.

Worst words I've ever read.

Worst words I've ever heard.

I don't want it to end here. I don't. Harry Potter is a major part of my life. It's part of who I am. The part of me that becomes obsessed over magic and action-packed fairy tales. The part that actually believes in love and friendship. The good side of me.

Harry Potter has done a lot for me over the years. It's helped me discover who I am and what's important to me. It's helped me make friends. It's helped me love reading and acting as much as I do. It's helped keep me sane. It might seem stupid to some people, but it's true. And quite honestly, I don't care if people think I'm crazy. Harry Potter kept me happy through the years and that's all I care about.

Harry Potter helped me make friends. If it wasn't for Harry Potter, I wouldn't be as close as I am to Alex. Although we met in drama class, we got closer because we both liked Harry Potter. We would both hang out and do things related to Harry Potter when we were younger, like plan a party that was all about Harry Potter. It was great. If it wasn't for Harry Potter, we never would've made The Fudgey Wonders Academy, which I still have in my flash drive. It was amazing, and funny, and just plain stupid, but we had a lot of fun writing it. If it wasn't for these amazing series, I wouldn't have Chelsea as a friend either. It was all because of it that I even started talking to her. She had a Harry Potter bag and I complimented it. That's how it all started. So Harry Potter has helped me come out of my shell enough to help me make friends that also enjoyed the books and movies. It might seem stupid, and small, and like the series didn't help at all, but it did. I'm such a shy person that it makes me literally sick to talk to strangers. That's why it was such a big deal to me to have Harry Potter in my life; because it helped me be myself and make friends.

Harry Potter was also important when it came to my relationships. If it wasn't for the movies, I wouldn't have gone on my first date with Steven. We went to watch Half-Blood Prince when it first came out together, and it was magical. It was our first date ever, and although I don't really remember much of it, I remember I was wearing my Hermione shirt from the fourth movie and we were waiting in line outside the Syracuse 6. I don't think our first date would've been as epic if we had gone to watch a different movie. I think after we watched it we stayed out a little late just sitting outside and talking about anything and everything. I guess you could say Harry Potter sealed the deal for us.

I also wouldn't be seeing one of my best buddies this weekend if it wasn't for the movies. Truth is, if it wasn't for the movie coming out, I probably wouldn't see him again. It's important for us because we haven't seen each other in years, and I think we're both looking for some sort of closure. It'll also be awesome to go watch the movie with him because I know we will do the mischief managed thing if he's there. I guess he's the daredevil that will really help us stand up and do it.

If it wasn't for the books, I wouldn't love reading as much as I do now. I always enjoyed reading, but after finding the Harry Potter books, I became obsessed with it. It taught me to really love books and how easy it was to transport ourselves to a different, magical world by reading, something that would otherwise be out of our reach. The movies helped me realize how much I love to act. I've been told through the years that I'm a pretty good actress, and although I don't really believe it, I didn't notice how much I enjoyed doing it until I started watching the movies. It made me want to act more, maybe just to be a little closer to the cast, but nonetheless, it helped me. If it wasn't for the movies, I never would've wanted to do anything related to theater.

Harry Potter also helped keep me sane in my times of need. When I was lonely during lunch at the Junior High, Order of the Phoenix kept me company. I normally would've just gone off to a corner and felt sorry for myself, but instead, I sat down and read. I felt like I wasn't alone, but most importantly, I didn't feel like I was that big of a loser for not having friends. It was weird, but I felt a little better knowing I had something to do rather than just sitting there looking around. Granted, the book was my least favorite, but it helped me not break down crying every day when I got home. It was something small, but it was important to me, and I'm glad I had Harry Potter to turn to when I had no one else to turn to.

Harry Potter has done a lot for me over the years, and although I knew this day would come, I didn't want it to. I didn't want it to end... ever. It's going to feel like a part of me is never going to come back, even though I know it will always be in my heart. It will never be the same, I guess. I just don't want that to change. I want to look forward to new movies, books, calendars, or whatever, every year for the rest of my life. I know it's not going to happen though. Why must all good things come to an end?

I guess Harry Potter wouldn't be nearly as great if it just kept going. Sometimes we just have to say good bye for something to live on forever and still be amazing. The books and movies will live on forever, enchanting generation after generation, and captivating older ones over and over again. It all may end here, but it will never actually be gone, for the adventures of Harry, Ron, and Hermione will always live on in our hearts and souls.

Mischief Managed.

Love,
Andrea~!