Upset

So today was my first day at work.

Worst. Day. Ever.

I barely learned anything.

All I did was take stupid things online and the register. I'm not even supposed to be on POS!!! I'm supposed to only use them for back up!!! I didn't even learn anything about doing other things, like recovering or how to search for things in the back room. I felt like they didn't even take the time to teach me. I mean, I know they want me to do the whole "yes we can" shit but could they at least teach me ONCE how to do it before they send me off to learn on my own?

I mean, if they just taught me ONCE how to do everything, I'd be more at ease with doing "yes we can" stuff. I would at least know A LITTLE BIT so I could be able to do my own thing and help customers. But they don't do that, now, do they? I dunno, maybe it's just because the supervisor that was meant to help me wasn't all that willing to help. But that upsets me because it makes ME look bad. I mean, she called me a "quiet one" and asked how "we could've hired a quiet one." It's seriously making me re-think I deserve this job.

Do they really expect me to jump right on everything and learn everything on my own when I don't even know where things are? I need at least ONE WHOLE DAY of GOOD training to at least know the BASICS so I can do things on my own. Yes, I was kinda quiet today, but that was because I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I was nervous, to the point where I got panic attacks in my sleep last night. I mean, IT'S NOT NORMAL. I WANT to LOVE this job as much as I loved worked at Double Scoop, but how can I do that when I feel they don't care enough about training someone? Maybe I'm just a slow learning, but c'mon, they should be able to at least help me a little bit. When I DID ask for help, I felt like they were getting tired of me. Well, do you want me to ask questions and make sure I know what I'm doing, or make mistakes and lose the company money? Ugh, I'm just so frustrated that I can't sleep!!!

I want to talk to Amber about it, because I trust her and I feel comfortable with her, but I'm not sure how to do that. I guess I just need to be more assertive. Whatever the case, I'm going to see if I can either go in early before my next shift, not for another whole week, btw, or just stop by sometime before then. I just wish I felt like they were interested enough in me as I am in them. I do want to learn, and I do want to be the best employee they've ever had, but how can I do that when I have no idea what I'm doing? How can I help a customer when I know as much as they do about things?

I just dunno what to do. I'm frustrated, I'm crying, and I just REALLY wish I hadn't applied there. Maybe my things IS to help with animals or work at small stores. I don't like these mega-corporations that don't take the time of day to help out an associate in need. I dunno, maybe I'm just over-reacting because I dunno how to act in such an environment. Maybe I'm comparing it to the deli too much.

Wish Double Scoop was still open.

I wish that every since day of my life.

But I know it's never going to happen.

Love,
Andrea~!

Lagoon

So, we went to Lagoon yesterday.

It was a lot of fun.

We caught up with Chelsea and Shaylee and we had a lot of fun. I'm gonna miss Chels when she leaves though. Hell, I miss her already. I don't think I've appreciated her enough because I figured she would always be here, but I had forgotten that people grow up and move, I suppose. I just wish we had more time; it feels like the thirteenth came up way too fast. It IS coming up way too fast... and I don't want it to.

After they left, Steven and I just wondered around and went to a few more rides. I think we only got to do two before the park closed, plus the bounce back thing so I could come back tomorrow and spend more time with Steven and possibly Chelsea and her friend. I think Lexi might come too, but I'm not sure right now.

It was a fun day though. Steven and I got to relax and see all the pretty lights of the park from the sky ride before we went home. It was awesome, even though I didn't think it was the prettiest thing out there. I guess it was more important to be with him than looking at the lights anyway.

Overall, it was an amazing day. I hope we have as much fun doing it tomorrow as we did yesterday.

Love,
Andrea~!

It All Ends Here

It all ends here.

Worst words I've ever read.

Worst words I've ever heard.

I don't want it to end here. I don't. Harry Potter is a major part of my life. It's part of who I am. The part of me that becomes obsessed over magic and action-packed fairy tales. The part that actually believes in love and friendship. The good side of me.

Harry Potter has done a lot for me over the years. It's helped me discover who I am and what's important to me. It's helped me make friends. It's helped me love reading and acting as much as I do. It's helped keep me sane. It might seem stupid to some people, but it's true. And quite honestly, I don't care if people think I'm crazy. Harry Potter kept me happy through the years and that's all I care about.

Harry Potter helped me make friends. If it wasn't for Harry Potter, I wouldn't be as close as I am to Alex. Although we met in drama class, we got closer because we both liked Harry Potter. We would both hang out and do things related to Harry Potter when we were younger, like plan a party that was all about Harry Potter. It was great. If it wasn't for Harry Potter, we never would've made The Fudgey Wonders Academy, which I still have in my flash drive. It was amazing, and funny, and just plain stupid, but we had a lot of fun writing it. If it wasn't for these amazing series, I wouldn't have Chelsea as a friend either. It was all because of it that I even started talking to her. She had a Harry Potter bag and I complimented it. That's how it all started. So Harry Potter has helped me come out of my shell enough to help me make friends that also enjoyed the books and movies. It might seem stupid, and small, and like the series didn't help at all, but it did. I'm such a shy person that it makes me literally sick to talk to strangers. That's why it was such a big deal to me to have Harry Potter in my life; because it helped me be myself and make friends.

Harry Potter was also important when it came to my relationships. If it wasn't for the movies, I wouldn't have gone on my first date with Steven. We went to watch Half-Blood Prince when it first came out together, and it was magical. It was our first date ever, and although I don't really remember much of it, I remember I was wearing my Hermione shirt from the fourth movie and we were waiting in line outside the Syracuse 6. I don't think our first date would've been as epic if we had gone to watch a different movie. I think after we watched it we stayed out a little late just sitting outside and talking about anything and everything. I guess you could say Harry Potter sealed the deal for us.

I also wouldn't be seeing one of my best buddies this weekend if it wasn't for the movies. Truth is, if it wasn't for the movie coming out, I probably wouldn't see him again. It's important for us because we haven't seen each other in years, and I think we're both looking for some sort of closure. It'll also be awesome to go watch the movie with him because I know we will do the mischief managed thing if he's there. I guess he's the daredevil that will really help us stand up and do it.

If it wasn't for the books, I wouldn't love reading as much as I do now. I always enjoyed reading, but after finding the Harry Potter books, I became obsessed with it. It taught me to really love books and how easy it was to transport ourselves to a different, magical world by reading, something that would otherwise be out of our reach. The movies helped me realize how much I love to act. I've been told through the years that I'm a pretty good actress, and although I don't really believe it, I didn't notice how much I enjoyed doing it until I started watching the movies. It made me want to act more, maybe just to be a little closer to the cast, but nonetheless, it helped me. If it wasn't for the movies, I never would've wanted to do anything related to theater.

Harry Potter also helped keep me sane in my times of need. When I was lonely during lunch at the Junior High, Order of the Phoenix kept me company. I normally would've just gone off to a corner and felt sorry for myself, but instead, I sat down and read. I felt like I wasn't alone, but most importantly, I didn't feel like I was that big of a loser for not having friends. It was weird, but I felt a little better knowing I had something to do rather than just sitting there looking around. Granted, the book was my least favorite, but it helped me not break down crying every day when I got home. It was something small, but it was important to me, and I'm glad I had Harry Potter to turn to when I had no one else to turn to.

Harry Potter has done a lot for me over the years, and although I knew this day would come, I didn't want it to. I didn't want it to end... ever. It's going to feel like a part of me is never going to come back, even though I know it will always be in my heart. It will never be the same, I guess. I just don't want that to change. I want to look forward to new movies, books, calendars, or whatever, every year for the rest of my life. I know it's not going to happen though. Why must all good things come to an end?

I guess Harry Potter wouldn't be nearly as great if it just kept going. Sometimes we just have to say good bye for something to live on forever and still be amazing. The books and movies will live on forever, enchanting generation after generation, and captivating older ones over and over again. It all may end here, but it will never actually be gone, for the adventures of Harry, Ron, and Hermione will always live on in our hearts and souls.

Mischief Managed.

Love,
Andrea~!

Predictions

Since it's taken me about five tries to post anything, I'm just gonna go with I guess what I wanted to write about wasn't meant to be written.

Guess it's just one of those things that wasn't really all that important.

Or perhaps it was so important that it wasn't meant to be read by others.

Who knows? Who cares?

Love,
Andrea~!

Airport

Never going to the airport.

Ever.

Again.

Not by myself anyway.

I don't want to get into it too much because I want to write about other things, but this is a recap of what happened yesterday.

I dropped off Steven at work. I drove to the airport. I got stranded.

I forgot to get money from Steven to I could get out of the garage. I figured I would just meet up with my mum and borrow some money and just pay her back when I went to pick up Steven. Wrong. I went to the wrong terminal. My instincts told me to go to the second terminal after I didn't see my family show up, but since my mum is a weirdo and likes to get lost, I figured they were late. I was wrong. I waited and waited and nobody showed up. So instead of listening to my gut and going to the second terminal, I stayed in the first one. FOR NINE HOURS. With no money and no way to call my family. I had a dollar with me, so I used that to call. After five hours at the airport, I tried using my card to call. They couldn't charge it, but they told me I could call collect. So I did. Unfortunately, I had the terminals all mixed up. I told my dad to tell my mum I was at the second terminal when I was really at the second one. So I stayed at the first terminal while my mum looked for me at the first one. Neither of us thought about finding each other by going to the next terminal. It was dumb.

Eventually this old man that looked like Einstein helped me, and I found a way to communicate with my mum. She finally just came to the first terminal and found me. I felt like an idiot because even Einstein told me I was at the second terminal, so I got even more confused by his reassurance. I didn't actually figure out I was at the first terminal until I saw this little map a few minutes before my mum came to the right terminal. I hate going to airports by myself. I'm never going it again.

I felt bad though. Steven did a not so awesome job at work just so he could come find me. When he finally did I could tell he had been crying and he gave me a super big hug. He thought it was stupid that I had been worried about him getting him this whole time rather than worrying about myself. But I knew I was okay, so I couldn't worry about me. I felt bad that I made so many people cry and freak out over me though. I didn't even mean to do it!!! It was just a misunderstanding. But oh well, everything is okay now.

Actually, that's all I feel like talking about now. I was gonna have this deep post about being yourself but I really forgot where I was going with it. I guess I'll just have to write it some other time.

I haven't seen my grandma yet, but I want to. I dunno where she is though. Guess I'll figure it out later.

Oh, and my bestie Mel-Mel is back on Facebook. I'm happy because now I can talk to her all the time!!! Hooray!!! Gaia really wasn't working out. It was too slow and we were never on at the same time. But Facebook works because now if we're on we can just use the chat and stuff!!!

Yeah, I'm excited.

New day, new things to do.

Wish Steven wasn't at work.

Love,
Andrea~!

Nightmares

I often wonder why I have dreams like the ones I do. Especially the repetitive ones. They happen at least twice a year, and they seem so real, I just expect them to happen.

It happened last night again.

The nightmares.

I don't even know why they are such weird dreams.

I'll start off with what I think is the first one.

I don't remember much of it to be honest. All I know is that I was going to get murdered. Again. I dunno why but it's always about death. I'm not sure if I was gonna get killed from the beginning, but I knew someone was going to die. I was right. It this guy, girl, and me. I know the guy looked like this Argentinian actor, except a little bit more hardcore, but I have no idea who the girl was. She had straight brown hair with bangs and bright  blue eyes.

It was as if we were in a book, or movie, or something. I'm not entirely sure. But I remember being at this cabin place in like the city or something, but I'm guessing we were close to some body of water because that cabin was a place to change into your swimsuit. All I remember is talking to some people outside the cabin as if I was giving a report. I guess nobody got killed so I figured it was the end of the book. I know the boy and girl went inside the cabin, but I wasn't sure why. Next thing I know, I see an image flash before my eyes. It's the boy and the girl. The boy kinda smirks, but it wasn't a nice type of smile. It was a charming and creepy. I knew someone had gotten killed then. I dunno if I screamed it out loud or just inside my head, but I pretty much screamed NO and ran into the cabin. The boy was gone and the girl was bent over a ledge with a dagger stuck in her throat.

At that point I knew the boy was gonna come after me. Why wouldn't he? He knew I knew he killed her. This is either where the dream changes or continues, I'm not entirely sure. The thing is, in the next part of the dream, I'm being followed by someone who wants to kill me.

The setting is different. It's in this big castle that I imagine it's Hogwarts. Not sure why, but I'm guessing it is since that's what Hogwarts looks like whenever I dream about being in it. Either way, I'm in it. I'm running around. I have the Secrets of My Hollywood Life book in my arms, and all I know is that it's the Family Affairs one and that I have to read it. I already read the book irl, so I dunno why I was re-reading it when I'm trying to read the Broadway Lights one. Either way, I'm running. From what, or who, I dunno. But I'm running with the book in my hands and I KNOW it's because the book is dangerous. I know there's something in the book that will teach me how to do something that will either make me able to protect myself or kill me. I can only guess it was some sort of power or something. As I'm running around the castle, I see Alex running too. At this point, I KNEW I couldn't talk to her. Why? I have no idea. But I ended up running away from Alex. I was trying to hard for her to not see me because I didn't want her to talk to me. Something just told me if I talked to Alex she would be in danger. So I just kept running away from her.

At this point, I get to this area of the castle and see a "professor." This professor asks me something, and I remember asking her if I could ask her a question without asking her. I guess she was a psychic or something. Either way, I ask her about the book. It was a question inside my head, but she heard it. I think she told me to come with her, but as she was saying that, this blow-up cat bouncy house thing starts meowing. That's when I realized that it was cursed. The book I mean. I couldn't ask any questions or they would torture cats. It was to make sure I wouldn't ask anyone or mention it to anyone. I guess that's what I was running away from Alex. If I hadn't known, and I had talked to her about it, she could've gotten hurt, along with a cat.

That's when I see it. It's this lady who is a vampire. She's older. I'm guessing she's in her forties, but I couldn't be sure. She's like a puppet master. All I know is that at this point I'm wondering why everyone needs me to do something. Like, they need my powers or whatever it is that I possessed in the dream to do their bidding. I guess she wanted to go to her at this point. She motioned for me to go over to her, but I didn't want to. I didn't like or trust her. But as the puppet master, there's not much I could've done. She just started playing with her strings, and before I knew it, they were wrapped around me. She pulled me towards her but once I was close enough she kept me attached to her strings. She gave me another book I was supposed to read. This book looked a little bit like the one Steven has been reading. I'm not entirely sure though. But she grabbed my left hand and her eyes went from normal to bright red. And not just her iris, it was her whole eyes. They were bloody and they looked totally gross. At this point, she bites my hand. It was small, and I guess she didn't take a lot of blood, but I guess it hurt.

The only thing I could think of was that I didn't want to read that book because I wanted to finish the one I was already reading. Dumb, I know, but I just didn't want to start reading another book. I can't remember exactly what happened after that. All I know is that I might have talked to Alex and that right after that the puppet master did the same thing she did before. At that point I knew she wouldn't leave me alone until I read the book. I also knew she would never leave me alone though. I was getting annoyed, but I figured I would just play it cool and do whatever she wanted me to do until I found a way to break free from her strings. She never talked to me by the way, so that made it even harder to know what she wanted. Anyway, for some reason, Professor Snape flashed in my mind that kinda projected into the dream as standing behind this lady. As she grabbed my left hand again and her eyes started to turn red, I stopped her. Her eyes turned back to normal and I asked her if she could put a spell on my hand so it wouldn't hurt too much when she bit it.

It was weird, but that was the end of my dream. After that it was just something about my cat falling off the deck and running around outside, with me following close behind to make sure I could catch him. It's funny. I thought I would've woken up after those first two dreams, but what woke me up was being worried about my cat getting hurt. I guess my kitty cat is far more important than me getting killed. I had another dream after that one, but it was just about having a certain amount of time to cook. I made some cupcakes or something and Paula Deen was judging them. I guess they needed more butter.

Guess that's it. I don't really have anything else to talk about. Hooray.

Love,
Andrea~!

Sadness

I guess it's my fault for being naive.

I didn't know they hunted Mallards.

Now I'm worried about our duckling.

I knew it was for the best, but I never wanted to let him/her go. I knew it would be illegal to keep him/her, so I knew we had to find a suitable home for him/her.

I didn't know they hunted them.

Now I'm worried.

What if they set him/her free once it's older and it migrates or something and he/she gets killed? What if our duckling falls pray to humans tricks? They wouldn't do that, would they? They wouldn't set him/her free somewhere where it could get hurt, would they? No, they wouldn't. Or would they?

I dunno. I've cried a lot over it today when I found out. I'm worried. I want my duckling to live a happy and long life. I don't want it to get killed by some disgusting hunter. I know it's just the way things go, but I don't want it to happen to MY duck.

I just don't even want to think about it. I'll just hope that the rehabilitation center doesn't set them free somewhere where they could get hurt. I guess I just have to hope for the best, since I won't ever know what will happen to my duckling.

Happy fourth of July Ducky. I hope you'll be okay.

Love,
Andrea~!